The Bachelor Auction
by Fruits-Baskets-Fan1
Summary: Tired of being rejected by Lily, James tries a new approach by signing himself and Sirius up for a bachelor auction. AU Minor OOC
1. Chapter 1

03/07/2009 19:48:00

**I'm going to try to update this story better than my other one promise! Lol. This only my second story so review please! Suggestions are also welcome.**

**Disclaimer: I wrote one so I guess it means I don't own Harry Potter (darn!)**

Chapter 1: The Idea

The door to the girls dorm room slammed shut. James winced. Lily had been unnecessarily harsh when she'd turned him down today.

"Bad luck mate," Sirius said, coming over to pat James on the shoulder. Remus looked up from his book long enough to nod sympathetically.

James shrugged. "I'm used to it by now, but maybe I should find a different approach," he said thoughtfully. Sirius nodded in agreement. "But what? Somebody give me a si-OW!!"

A paper airplane had hit James in the side of his head. "What the hell?!" Remus ducked back behind his book. Shooting him a dark look, James unfolded the airplane to see a flyer.

_Attention all Hogwarts Bachelors!!_

_Having trouble finding available ladies?_

_Well let us help you!_

_Sign up for Hogwarts first ever Bachelor Auction!_

_List your name below:_

Names were already on the list, from all houses. James and Sirius looked up from the paper. "How do we sign up?" James asked.

"Just sign your names using your wands and they'll automatically appear on all of the other posters," Remus explained.

As Sirius signed his name, he suddenly shouted and dropped the list, making a cross with his fingers. "I'm clean, I'm clean," he moaned.

James and Remus looked at him. "Um dude, what the hell is your problem?" James asked. "Cause we're a little worried."

Sirius opened his eyes and dropped his arms. "Oh sorry. I saw Snape and Malfoy's names on the paper- no further explanation needed." All three guys shuddered.

5 *incident free* minutes later Sirius and James were signed up. "Now all you have to do is pick out some music you want them to play when they introduce you."

"How do you know so much about this Moony? You're name wasn't on the list," James asked while Sirius looked off into the distance with a glazed look on his face.

"Easy, I paid attention when they were announcing it while you and Sirius were spacing out in class."

"W-We don't space…," James started but at that moment Lily came down the stairs to gather some books and left without giving him a glance. James continued to stare at the stairs she had came down. Remus shook his head and pulled out a camera.

He took a picture of Sirius "Exhibit A and Exhibit B," he muttered as he also took a picture of James. The flash pulled them out of wherever they had been.

"Huh? You were saying?" James asked. Sirius just shook his head as if he were trying to wake himself up.

Remus threw his hands in the air and walked to the dorm. "My point exactly," he said as he walked away.

"What's up with him?" Sirius asked. James shrugged.

_Earlier that night_

Lily slammed the door shut. Everyone in the room jumped in surprise. "Sorry everyone," she apologized. They went back to whatever they had been doing. Lily sat on her bed and sighed. These everyday confrontations with James Potter always left her feeling as if she should go back and apologize. Tonight especially since she had been really hard on him. It wasn't his fault that Petunia had sent her another letter calling her a freak and a misfit. Lily sighed again. That's when she noticed that everyone was crowded around the wall next to the door. "What's going on?" she asked.

One of the girls answered "It's the list of boys that are going to be in the bachelor auction." Lily looked at it. All of a sudden James Potter's name appeared on the list. Lily wouldn't of cared except for that he put for Lily Evans Only by his name. A red haze came around Lily's vision. She quietly went back to her bed.

_Damn that arrogant Potter! He just won't give up. If he wasn't so pigheaded, he'd actually be a pretty nice boy and this would be cute instead of annoying as hell!_

Standing up to put her pajamas on, she realized that she had left her books downstairs. "Crap," she cursed under her breath. Going downstairs, she saw that James Potter and his group were still down there. _Great_ she thought. Ignoring him, she grabbed her books and went back upstairs.

As she got ready for bed, she realized that she wasn't angry anymore. She wanted to apologize again. _Stupid mood swings! Puberty sucks! _She thought as she drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter 2! Yay lol. Btw thanks to everyone who added me/this story to their alerts! Even though I only got 1 review last time…here is the second chapter:**

Chapter 2: Rules and Plans

Breakfast the next day went normally. Well normal for the Maurauder's standards anyways. That meant that Remus was behind his book, Peter was cowering under the table, and James and Sirius were plotting how to make Snape's life a living hell. This went on until about the end of breakfast, when Dumbledore stood up.

"Ahem", he said. Everyone ignored him. He tried again. "Ahem". Again nothing. Dumbledore closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _Breathe Albus, he thought to himself. Just be patient and calm. _He opened his eyes."Shut up and pay attention you little a-holes!" he yelled. Everyone shut up and paid attention. "That's better", he said, acting like his old self.

"Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed," Sirius whispered.

"Detention Mr. Black," Dumbledore said smoothly.

"Bu-wha-how-when-he-..ugh. Damn old man with his supersensitive hearing," Sirius muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Anyways, I'm here to explain the rules for the bachelor auction." McGonagall whispered into his ear. "Never mind, the heads of houses will do that. Anyone who isn't in the auction, off to class."

A few moments later, the hall had emptied of all girls and wimps not brave enough to sign up (except Remus). McGonagall came down to the Gryffindor table. "Good morning gentlemen, Mr. Black, Mr. Potter," she said.

"Hey!" they said. "That wasn't very nice Professor," Sirius added.

McGonagall continued as if they hadn't spoken. "Now for the rules. First rule: No bribing/ giving extra money to any female student. Second rule: Each contestant is to have a minimum of 2 detentions only throughout the competition." She looked directly at James and Sirius. They looked away in opposite directions, whistling. "Finally the last and most important rule: The girls will have 3 days to place their bets. At exactly 4:00 pm, on the third day, all bets are finished. The highest bidder wins. No exceptions."

"What happens when someone wins?" someone down the table asked.

"Whoever is the highest bidder is, you will escort to the Auction Ball," she replied.

"And at the stroke of midnight, if your highest bidder is your true love a blue light will shine on you from above." Sirius interjected, looking…well…serious.

" Why blue?" McGonagall asked, even though the little voice in her head told her not to ask.

"Cause I like blue," Sirius said simply.

McGonagall sighed and walked away, muttering about a migraine. The students left the table and went to class.

"Hey, I know one rule that McGonagall didn't mention," James whispered.

Sirius smirked. "I take that it has something to do with Snape?" he asked.

"Correct! And what is his prize ladies and gentlemen?"

"A friend who will go to detention with me?" Sirius volunteered hopefully.

"Uhh no sorry."

"Damn!" Sirius swore. With that, the two ran to DADA before they got in trouble, plotting all the way.

**Sorry for the short chapter and crappy cliffhanger. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Onwards to Chapter 3! **

**Disclaimer: enough said *sob***

Chapter 3:

The two walked into DADA class. They were doing mock wizard duels today. Nobody noticed except for Lily who strangely looked away instead of giving them her usual glare. Puzzled, James started to go over to her, but stopped when Sirius tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to Snape. James grinned and went to get Remus (Peter was in the hospital wing…nobody knew what for and nobody really cared).

"Remus," James whispered into his friend's ear.

"What James, I'm kinda busy right now," he said as he countered a spell from Lucius Malfoy.

"Oh. Well hurry up, it's important," James said impatiently.

Remus sighed. "Fine," he said. He pointed his wand at Lucius and said '_Aguamenti'_. A jet of water came out and soaked Lucius.

"AHH, my hair!" he screamed and ran out of the room.

"Wimp," said Remus as he watched him run away. "So what is so important that I had to douse Lucius Malfoy?"

James grinned again and said "Snape." Remus's eyes brightened in excitement. They called Sirius over and pretended to compare notes while discussing their plan.

"Okay so here it is," James explained. "There are 3 phases that involve us 'helping' Snivellus look presentable for the auction. Phase 1: Looks. Sirius if you can please explain."

"Gladly. See what we're going to do is give Snivellus here a much needed wash. Girls love a guy who's clean. And lets face it, his hair looks like it hasn't been washed since it grew out.

Remus nodded his head sadly.

"So we're going to fix that for him." James finished. "I mean it's the least we could do since we're fellow competitors and all."

"Exactly," Sirius and Remus agreed.

"Alright then, lets put this plan in motion."

Lily watched them go off into a corner and start talking. _What are they doing now? she wondered. Well whatever it is, I hope they hurry up._ Lily had decided to apologize to James the night before and wanted to get it over with so she'd stop feeling so guilty. A couple minutes later Remus and Sirius left, leaving James alone for a minute._ Its now or never she told herself._ Taking a deep breath, she walked over to James. "Um Potter could I talk to you for a minute?"

James looked up. "Sure Lily, what's up?"

Lily made the mistake of looking into his eyes before speaking. She lost her train of thought for a moment. "Um I-I wanted to apologize for last night, I was kind of rude," she said finally.

James was surprised. "No problem Lily, thanks."

Lily opened her mouth to say something else but something over her shoulder caught James' attention. He smirked.

"If you would excuse me Lily," he said and went over to talk to Sirius.

Lily watched him go. She shook her head to get rid of a weird light-headed feeling and walked back over to her partner.

"Remus is all set up as Snape's partner. Ready to go when you are," Sirius reported when James got close.

"Excellent. Remember to signal when Snape's in position." With that, James went to another corner to wait. A couple minutes later, Sirius gave a thumbs up from across the room. James aimed with his wand and whispered a spell.

At first nothing happened. But then slowly, but building up, Snape's hair began to suds up with soap.

"What the hell?!" Snape said. He started to try to claw all of the soap out. By now everyone was laughing except Snape. Once Snape's hair got lathered up, James got out of his corner.

"Time for a rinse," he said tauntingly.

"Pot-!" Snape tried to yell, but it got cut off by a jet of water falling down on his head.

"There, now your all squeaky clean," Sirius said.

Snape stood soaking wet. He glared at the Marauders, James in particular. Then he turned and left the room, leaving a giant puddle. Lily had watched and laughed with the others but now she felt bad. She ran after him.

"All you alright Sev?"

"Fine," he growled.

"Oh cheer up, at least its just water."

Snape sighed. "Just leave me alone," he said and stalked off. When he got around the corner, he felt bad for snapping at Lily so he turned around. But she had already left. _Damn it! Do I ever win? he thought to himself._

**Review please and if you come up with ideas of what should happen to Snape next please share!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it took so long, but suggestions are still welcome if you think anything should happen to Snape. Also review!!**

**Disclaimer: *more sobbing* **

Chapter 4: After Effects

Lily stood there, hurt. _Fine_ she thought as she walked away, _see if I care anymore. I only try to help you, but you shut me out every time._ Lily's anger subsided a little and she felt something else take its place. _What is this, sadness or more fury? Damn hormones._ By this time, she had reached the classroom again.

"Ahh Ms. Evans, there you are. 5 house points from Gryffindor for you leaving class. Another 5 from Slytherin for Mr. Snape," the teacher said.

"Yeah yeah, put a sock in it," Lily muttered darkly.

James, Remus, and Sirius were still laughing over the whole Snape thing, but James stopped when Lily walked into the room.

_She looks kind of upset. I probably shouldn't talk to her, but hell with it._ He started to make his way towards her.

As Sirius was laughing, he looked up in time to see James leave. "You know, sometimes that boy digs his own grave," he remarked to Remus.

"What are you- oh, yeah pretty much," Remus agreed. "Well now that that's over, I'm bored."

"Me too. Hey, Malfoy looks pretty dry," Sirius commented as he stretched his arms out. They exchanged looks and seconds later, casually started walking towards their target.

Meanwhile, James came up to Lily and heard her say something under her breath. "Wow Lily I'm surprised at you, being a teacher's pet and all."

Lily whirled around, her face flushed. "Potter! Don't you know that it's not nice to sneak up on other people."

"No not really, so did you enjoy the show?"

"Yes, I mean no, I mean I don't know," she admitted.

"I think you do, but you just don't want to admit it." James said, grinning.

Lily stared, caught off guard by his smile. _Damn, that is one sexy smile._ She felt herself blush slightly and looked away. Then she started to say something but the bell rang, sparing her. "Umm, see you at lunch Potter," Lily said as she gathered her books and left the classroom.

James watched her leave. _Was she blushing_ he asked himself.

"C'mon Prongs or we'll be late to Charms," Remus called

"Alright, coming," he said. Once outside Sirius began to taunt him.

"As Shakespeare once said 'Men are often controlled by their delusions and thus pursue that which they can never have.'" James and Remus looked at each other and then at Sirius.

"Hate to break to you Padfoot but Shakespeare never said that'" Remus said.

"Really? Crap, I thought I was being intelligent for once."

"It's ok, you came up with phase one of the plan. I think your brain's maxed for the moment," James said jokingly.

"I guess. Wait a minute! You're going to pay for that Prongs!" Sirius yelled as he chased James down the hall. Remus sighed and ran to catch up.

James laughed as he rounded the corner, subconsciously pushing the Lily thing to the back of his mind until after the chase (and Charms).

Snape navigated the dungeons to the Slytherin common room, silently cursing himself. _Now you've done it, she's never gonna want to talk to you again._

"Basilisk," he said to the common room entrance. He walked in to see some of the Slytherins lounging around. Bellatrix, who was sitting in a chair, rose and walked over to him.

"Severus, there's a meeting," Bellatrix said in a monotone voice. "By the way, you look like crap."

"Thanks," Snape said sarcastically. Then he sighed and followed Bellatrix, pushing the Lily thing to the back of his mind until after the meeting.


	5. Chapter 5

This took a really long time to update I know. Thanks for waiting :)

Disclaimer: *intense sobbing*

Chapter 5: Auction Set Up

Lily was spacing out during History of Magic. It didn't really matter since all the kids were spacing out anyways. So while Professor Binns droned on about some foreign goblin war, Lily pondered about James Potter. Between him and his effect on her emotions, she was starting to become confused. And lets just say confusion wasn't one of the things Lily Evans worked best with. She sat there the entire lesson, trying to come up with an excuse for why she was acting this way. She didn't get one.

As soon as class was over, Lily got up and walked out. She was thinking about what she was going to do when she saw Potter, when she bumped into Snape. "Hey watch where you're go- oh it's you."

Snape got up off the floor and offered his hand. "Sorry. For now and earlier. Especially earlier seeing as I was kind of a jerk."

Lily looked at his hand and picked her things and herself off of the floor. Then pausing only to glare at him, she walked away.

"Wait! Lily I said I was sorry," Snape said as he followed her to the Great Hall.

"Oh so you're actually talking to me now," Lily said angrily over her shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Snape cringe. Turning her head, she looked for a seat at the Gryffindor table.

"Come on, I was just angry at the time. I didn't mean it. What is it going to take to get you to talk to me?"

"How about a time machine," Lily quipped. Snape stood behind her silently. Using his silence to her advantage, Lily walked away.

"Lily, at least look at me," Snape said. Exasperated, she turned around to see Snape holding a peace offering: a chocolate frog. "I'm really sorry."

Lily studied the candy. "Fine," she said. "I forgive you only because you come bearing chocolate. But you're still in the danger zone buddy." With that, she took the offering and walked a couple steps to an available seat. Snape smiled and walked off to his own table.

When she sat down, the first thing Lily did was look for James. She wasn't surprised to him and and his friends messing with each other a couple of seats down.

Sirius moved to take a bite of his pie, but as soon as his mouth closed around his fork, it was gone. "What the-?" He tried again with another piece but to the same result. "D where'd my pie go?" he asked, talking to himself. He tried for the third time. "D!" He was about to try again when he heard suppressed laughter from his right. When he turned, he saw James and Remus trying to look innocent, Remus's plate full of pie. Sirius narrowed his eyes. "I really dislike you guys sometimes."

James and Remus burst out laughing. "Come on Sirius," Remus said. "Admit it, if we weren't here, your life would be boring and plain."

James studied Sirius. "Maybe not as boring and plain as other people's, but boring and plain by your standards."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right. But at least I'd be able to eat pie in peace."

"Oh quit complaining. Here," Remus said as he summoned a new pie from the end of the table and placed it in front of Sirius.

"Hey I was going to eat that!" someone exclaimed from said end of table.

"Oh well, sucks for you. Gotta be quicker next time." Remus replied.

"Yay! Pie!" Sirius dug into the dessert. James shook his head and turned back to his own plate. Absentmindedly, he began to eat his cake.

"Um, Prongs are you okay?" Remus asked.

"Sure, why do you ask?" James answered, still picking at his cake.

"Well for starters, you're trying to eat cake with a knife."

"Really?" James looked at his hand and put the knife down. "Guess I was."

"Are you okay? You're spacing out again."

"I don't space-." Remus pulled out a picture of James spacing out. "Oh, never mind then. But yeah, I'm fine, I'll just be right back." With that, James got up from his seat and walked towards Lily.

"Where's he going?" Sirius asked, mouth full of pie.

"Where do you think?" Remus countered. "Come on, we're leaving."

"But-but why? I'm not done with my pie yet," Sirius whimpered.

"Well we don't have to leave. I was going to plead your case with Dumbledore and get your detention removed."

"Eh, it's okay, McGonagall took care of it. She pulled me out of Charms for a minute and said something about being the only person to start the competition with a detention," Sirius shrugged.

Remus shook his head. "You really are one of a kind, you know that Padfoot?"

Sirius grinned. "Yup."

"Lily, can I sit here for a minute?"

Lily looked up to see James standing over her, waiting. "Um, sure." As he sat down, she thought I wonder what he came over for.

"So, you never answered my question."

"What question?" Lily asked, pretending to intently inspect the nearest spoon.

"The one I asked you in class before you ran out on me."

"I didn't run, the bell rang," Lily protested as she dropped the spoon. "Crap. I was going to use that," she said, looking down at it.

"Allow me," James offered, bending down to get the fallen utensil just as Lily did. They hit their heads.

"Ow, that hurt! Potter is your head full of bricks or something?" Lily complained as the spots disappeared from her line of vision.

"Funny, my mum asks me the same question. Something about hardheadedness," James said as he grabbed the spoon off the floor. As he started to come up, he locked gazes with Lily, his brown eyes full of concern. "Are you okay Lily? You look kind of dazed."

Lily blinked. "Yeah, I'm...I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"Yea-actually, no, not at all. My head! The pain, the pain!" James said while theatrically clutching his head. Lily stifled a laugh. "Yes! I finally got a laugh out of you!" James exclaimed. Lily started to reply in protest but was interrupted by the sound of a fork tapping a glass.

Once everyone was silent, Dumbledore stood up and made an announcement."Would all of the contestants in the bachelor auction please come to the head table and stand by your heads of houses," he called. "Everyone else, move to either the Slytherin or Ravenclaw tables." Excited murmuring began to fill the Great Hall.

"Guess that would be me. C'mon Sirius," James called down the table. Turning to face Lily, he said "Vote for me, kay?" and then walked away.

"Sure," Lily said as she got up to move.

After all the contestants had gathered by the head table and the students had changed seats, Dumbledore used his wand to transfigure the two empty middle tables into a giant runway. As he worked, more instructions were given. The contestants were going to climb onto the platform and step forward when their names were called. The girls in the crowd were going to use their wands to register their bids.

"This is the first bidding session. After today, all female students will have the opportunity to place their bids whenever they like up until 4:00 pm three days from now. Next to the house points are scrolls of parchment containing each contestants name. To bid, simply use your wand to write the amount," Dumbledore explained. "If there are no other questions, let the auction begin!"

Cheers erupted throughout the Hall.


End file.
